PREFACE: I mentioned back in Random Factoid #42 that I had gone through a stint of reviewing movies when I was 13. After rummaging through my old home computer, I managed to find some of these reviews. In a special five day mini-series, I will reveal these reviews in their unadulterated form. I leave it up to you to comment, see how my style has changed (or maybe hasn’t). The first movie reviewed in the series is “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.”
Something that the new installment of the extremely popular Pirates of the Caribbean series has in common with its predecessor is that it is a thrill ride. However, they are much different. The Curse of the Black Pearl was smooth and fun, while Dead Man’s Chest is bumpy and leaves you with a headache. Johnny Depp’s once-energetic character Jack Sparrow is starting to get on my nerves with his stale humor and over exaggerated body movements. An intriguing and creative story is followed by a corny and horribly planned sequel. The movie jumps right in to the action by showing Elizabeth Swann’s (Keira Knightley) ruined wedding to Will Turner (Orlando Bloom). A lord not from the first movie comes out of the blue with a warrant for their arrest, which states that they should die for helping Jack Sparrow avoid his death. How someone not around at the time of these acts can arrest them for it, not to mention how overdue this was, is just another flaw in the horrendous script. Meanwhile, Jack Sparrow is being hunted down by Davy Jones (Bill Nighy, who unfortunately is hidden behind a computer animated face of tentacles) and wants his soul. Jack needs souls to offer up souls to save his own, so he gives away Will Turner’s, who is after a compass of Jack’s in exchange for him and Elizabeth’s freedom. The rest of the film is a random blur of CG effects as everyone searches and escapes. Will searches for an escape from Davy Jones’ ship, Elizabeth searches for Jack who can help her to find Will, and Jack selfishly looks for the Dead Man’s Chest which will save his soul. They all must escape the Kraken, which will drag them down to Davy Jones’ locker. However, for all the pain of the first 140 minutes, the last five gain it partial redemption and might convince you to return for the third installment. All I have to say is if it took three years to come out with a sequel this horrific, I am scared to see what At World’s End will be like after only one.