REVIEW: Battle: Los Angeles

9 10 2011

Battle: Los Angeles” may be the worst Michael Bay movie not made by Michael Bay.  And regardless of who directs a stereotypical “Michael Bay movie,” you should probably know that my recommendation for that movie can be summed up in one word: RUN!

Jonathan Liebesman directs a symphony of discordant noise and pathetic human drama without even the slightest hint that he knows he’s making a truly painful movie.  It’s a nearly two-hour long (still a marathon but no “Transformers“) montage of bullets flying and strange aliens invading shot in a gritty documentary style.  It has no substance, no emotional pull, no fantastic special effects, no impressive technical aspect.  It’s just a waste of time.

How can I fill this obligatory third paragraph?  Hmmm … I could blast Aaron Eckhart for taking two giant steps backwards from all of his independent and mainstream successes.  I could ask why Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynahan, and Michael Peña chose this movie, but I don’t necessarily put their acting skills on a pedestal.  I could ask why this movie isn’t acted solely by rappers like Ne-Yo (models might have also done this nonexistent script justice), but all the “why?” questioning won’t get me those two hours back.  Maybe one of these days, I’ll learn my lesson.  D / 

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3 responses

11 11 2011
Jeff Bubba Shaffer

wow, what a worthless movie…thanks

14 11 2011
Joel

Between “Battle: Los Angeles” and “Conan the Barbarian,” the quota of joyless explosion orgies disguised as fun times on a Friday night is pretty much full.

18 11 2011
Andrew

This just felt like one long US military recruitment video to me. It’s just empty.

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