I have no intention of seeing “Piranha 3D” … really, ever. But for the sequel (which seems strange to already plan given the movie’s lackluster box office receipts), I might be kind of interested. The folks running the marketing may have come up with the greatest way for moviegoers to participate in creating a movie. Sorry, I just couldn’t bring myself to say art.
We already know a sequel to Alexandre Aja’s rebooting of the “Piranha” series is in the works, and now comes news that The Weinstein Company is planning to let the fans get involved with the story development.
The as yet untitled sequel will take a page out of the Paranormal Activity playbook — not by asking viewers to demand the film, but instead letting them vote on which celebrity they’d love to see turn up in the sequel and die a horrible death. Sounds fun to me — and the possibilities are endless!
The author of the post suggested some great dramatic actors like Meryl Streep, Judi Dench, or Robert DeNiro. If I had to cast my vote, and I think I will because the opportunity is just too good to pass up, I would choose someone very unlikely to ever take such a role.
So here are my picks. For female, I’d love to see Tilda Swinton do it because she is so serious about everything. She stated her days as a “Hollywood spy” are over, which would make taking this role all the more hilarious. Female runner-up is Marion Cotillard, mainly because I want to see how great a swimsuit they could put her in (hey, I am a guy). And for the same reason, I’d love to see Leonardo DiCaprio do it as well because like Swinton, he’s made editorial headlines for his stubborn insistence to only take on intensely dramatic roles. Runner-up for males would be Steve Carell, but only if he played Michael Scott. The real exit of Michael from “The Office” – he goes on a beach vacation and winds up getting mauled by piranha.
It’s the day after three days after (didn’t finish the post quite in time) July 4th, which means that summer is basically half-over. Everyone make a sad face.
It’s also July, which means it’s time for me to make my August preview post for some movies that few people want to see. Everyone make a sadder face.
But I think there is some potential for some hits in August, some fueled by estrogen and others by testosterone.
August 6
And the winner for the most unnecessary 3D treatment in the history of movies is “Step Up 3D!” Honestly, Hollywood, stop making the third installment of every series in 3D just because it sounds nice in the title. Who wants to see people breakdancing in 3D? I’m just waiting for the straw that will break the camel’s back on the technology … getting closer …
It’s make or break career-wise for Will Farrell with “The Other Guys.” After last summer’s “Land of the Lost” tanked hard, it’s up to this movie to help him save face in the industry. Thankfully, he has Mark Wahlberg, The Rock, and Samuel L. Jackson to help him. My bet is on the latter, though, to provide the most laughs.
The last two decades were not exactly good to Rob Reiner, so maybe “Flipped” can turn the tables in his favor again. This is the man that gave us “This is Spinal Tap,” “The Princess Bride,” and “When Harry Met Sally.” It’s time for a return to form, and I think his adaptation of Wendelin Von Draanen’s book can do it for him. I read the book as a kid, and it still to this day is one of my favorites. I’ll forgive him for the slap in the face to my generation though – he moved its setting to the 1950s because it is more “innocent.”
On the indie side of things, the most interesting release looks to be “Middle Men,” which chronicles the birth of the Internet pornography industry. It’s a curious choice for Luke Wilson, former comedic star.
There’s also the quiet “Cairo Time” with Patricia Clarkson, the film festival hit “Lebanon” that provides hard-hitting war drama, and “The Oxford Murders” which seems to have little to offer aside from Elijah Wood.
August 13
“Eat Pray Love” is this year’s “Julie & Julia,” that is, a late summer movie aimed at the oft looked-over women. Particularly middle-aged and older women, AKA not the kind that lined up for “Twilight.” With Julia Roberts, a huge star who makes herself pretty scarce, and a literary phenomenon to its name, this could be poised to reap in some big money.
But all the guys seem to be hungering for “The Expendables,” Sylvester Stallone’s new movie that features just about every ’80s action star, be they fresh or washed up. All I can say is thank goodness it is rated R.
And then aiming somewhere in between is “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World,” a different kind of comic book movie. The usual hero is someone awesome; here, the hero is pathetic Michael Cera fending off seven evil ex-boyfriends of his new girlfriend. Anna Kendrick makes an appearance in the movie in some aspect, so that’s probably enough to get me to see it. Don’t be surprised if this is an out-of-nowhere smash hit. The style looks pretty irresistible.
These movies are probably not opening anywhere else other than New York or Los Angeles this day, but look for them in late August or September. Hopefully “Animal Kingdom,” a foreign crime drama released by Sony Pictures Classics, isn’t the new “Gommorah.” And then there’s “Tales from Earthsea,” the latest Japanese anime movie. One of these days I’ll get around to watching “Spirited Away”…
August 20
“Lottery Ticket” would fall in a pile with other urban movies I don’t pay much attention to if it weren’t for one tiny detail: Ice Cube is playing an old man. He was a hip father only five years ago … it’s a little soon for a grandpa role.
“The Switch” is in an interesting place. Jennifer Aniston was once a draw, but her rep has taken some hits after a series of movies that were not very well received. Jason Bateman is still a rising star, still looking for that movie to really put him on the A-list. Can they meet in the middle? A comedy with a serious concept could do it for them.
I don’t get excited for documentaries, but “The Tillman Story” looks great. A little un-American, sure. But it’s a movie about the truth, and that’s usually a good thing.
Maybe your local megaplex will keep “Toy Story 3” in its 3D theaters to save you from “Piranha 3D,” yet another unnecessary movie looking to profit off the premium ticket prices. And “Nanny McPhee Returns” because apparently we didn’t get enough of her the first time.
I really hope that “happythankyoumoreplease” finds its way to Houston sometime. It’s directed by Josh Radnor of “How I Met Your Mother” fame and stars the gorgeous Malin Akerman. I love me some indie comedy, and the movie found some love at Sundance. But since no real trailer is out there and it’s being released by some distributor I’ve never heard of, I have my doubts.
August 27
And now we get to those crummy last official week of summer releases. “Takers,” despite a fairly impressive cast, just looks dumb. “The Last Exorcism” provides enough chills to tide that crowd over until Halloween.
Indeed, the only movie that looks redeemable this weekend is “Going the Distance,” the rom-com starring real life couple Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. The movie explores a long-distance relationship, territory that has seldom been tread. If the women have seen “Eat Pray Love” too many times, they could make this a hit.
So, whatcha wanna see in August? Lemme know in the poll.
I have no intention of seeing “Piranha 3D” … really, ever. But for the sequel (which seems strange to already plan given the movie’s lackluster box office receipts), I might be kind of interested. The folks running the marketing may have come up with the greatest way for moviegoers to participate in creating a movie. Sorry, I just couldn’t bring myself to say art.
Marshall and the Movies 
Recent Comments