You don’t have to read my whole review as long as you take this away from it: “Marmaduke” is one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and you are truly stupid if you choose to waste a perfectly good 90 minutes of your life watching it.
Now that I have that very strong statement out of the way, you can either spend your time listening to me malign every big name involved in this movie or simply take my word for it. I will be brutal and unsparing; this is the movie that will really bring out the critic in me. I’ve been waiting to unleash my wrath on something terrible enough to deserve it. So here it goes.
I have to admire the boldness of Lee Pace, Judy Greer, and William H. Macy who had the guts to show their faces in this movie. They didn’t hide in the recording studio or inside the potentially lovable body of an animal. They actually dared to be the human face of the movie, risking association with the movie for the rest of their careers. These three ought to be sending the marketing people at Fox some very large gift baskets for not advertising “Marmaduke” very much, because the fact that it was such a low-key campaign may save their reputations from being forever tarnished.
You would think that Owen Wilson has enough sense to choose a movie that has some kind of substance. But even if you don’t have much respect for Owen Wilson, you might think Keifer Sutherland does. Or Emma Stone (Jules from “Superbad”). Or George Lopez. Or Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin). Or Steve Coogan. Or Fergie. Or Marlon Wayans. Or Sam Elliott.
Like this cavalcade of stars? Guess what, each and every one of them chose a movie that doesn’t deserve to take a poop in their yards. Honestly, if any of these big names had shown their faces in “Marmaduke,” they would be firing their agents and calling their real estate agent to find the coziest cave in Beverly Hills. It’s always a shame to see actors take on material that doesn’t deserve them, and “Marmaduke” is like a tragedy for each of these stars. None of them put any effort into making this giant heap of poop any better, as if the subtext of every line is, “We feel you; we know this movie sucks.”
And don’t even get me started on the non-existent plot. My theory is that the director scrounged a bargain bin of kids movies and came to shooting with the idea to rip off any one of them that might have worked. So for every groan and eye roll you get in “Marmaduke,” you get to say to yourself, “Oh, I liked that better when I saw it in (INSERT ANY KIDS MOVIE TITLE HERE).” So, by all means, if you want to feel immeasurable frustration with the endless banality Hollywood feeds to children, go right ahead and waste your life watching “Marmaduke.” As the late Gene Siskel used to say, “It’s your life, and you can’t get that time back.” D- /
a. nervous
b. stressed
c. frenzied
d. ALL of the above
It was a test day for the ACT today, and I was there taking the lovely standardized tests with my #2 pencils, calculator, and a brain in what I dub “testing mode.”
But what I didn’t expect my brain to bring was a desire to hear Russell Brand singing. Throughout the test, some of the Infant Sorrow numbers kept playing over and over in my head. I fought off these voices better than I had in the past; at times, I would begin to think that the lyrics were the reading passages.
Back in May, I wrote about the Oscar chances of “Get Low,” which premiered at last year’s Toronto Film Festival and opens on July 30. Particularly, I speculated about Robert Duvall and his status as an acting legend. Would that be enough to catapault him into the race? I said:
Here’s my question: does [Duvall] need Oscar bait? He’s already won Best Actor! Sure, it was over 25 years ago (1983 for “Tender Mercies” to be exact), but that’s still a trophy on the mantle at Duvall Manor.
People make this argument for Meryl Streep year after year. ”She won so long ago,” they say. ”They don’t need to hide their affection; just give her another Oscar!”
The difference between the two is as follows. Since Robert Duvall won the Oscar, he has received two other nominations (in consecutive years, as a matter of fact). Since Meryl Streep won her last Oscar, she has been nominated eleven times! Eleven!
I think he will get nominated for an Oscar. I polled to see what you all thought, and the results seemed to confirm what I thought.
Be sure to take the poll on the Oscar Moment for “Shutter Island!” I’m not sure how long I should keep a poll running; this one ran for over a month and that’s definitely too long. I’ll happily field your suggestions in the comments below!
They don’t make movies this powerful and impacting very often. That’s why “Requiem for a Dream,” an stylistic masterpiece by Darren Aronofsky, is the “F.I.L.M. of the Week.” I thought I couldn’t be scared by movies after having made it through several horror movies barely flinching. Yet along came “Requiem for a Dream,” and unexpectedly, I was screaming, shouting, and cowering in fear.
The movie follows four people over nine months as drug abuse affects their lives in profound ways. It’s a somewhat typical addiction story for Harry Goldfarb (Jared Leto) and Tyrone Love (Marlon Wayans) who are trying to earn enough money dealing drugs to open up a fashion shop for Harry’s girlfriend, Marion Silver (Jennifer Connelly). But due to various unfortunate incidents, they end up having to go deeper into the drug trade to dig themselves out of a hole. Meanwhile, Marion has also fallen into a state of desperation to keep up their lifestyle of recreational drug use.
But easily the most powerful and heartbreaking storyline of “Requiem for a Dream” is that of Sara Goldfarb (Ellen Burstyn), Harry’s mother. A New Jersey widow who has confined herself to her tiny apartment, Sara becomes convinced that she has been selected to appear on her favorite infomercial after a fake phone call. Trying to make herself look attractive for a television audience, she visits an underground doctor to obtain pills that will help her take off some weight quickly. She gets what she wants out of the pills but winds up addicted. It’s tragic to watch the doctor turn a blind eye to her issues when she comes in, clearly unable to address her own problems. Because she didn’t intend for this to happen, it’s her unconventional addiction story that really captures our sympathy. We leave all four of them in a state of misery that no human being should ever have to endure. It is chillingly devastating to watch their lives spiral out of control, and even more so once we reach the unsparing conclusion.
There’s no way to talk about the movie without talking about the incredible acting, particularly Ellen Burstyn. A role like Sara is risky for someone of her age and stature, and she went all-in. The result is one of the most powerful performances of the decade, one that should have won her an Oscar. Jared Leto is scary good as her son, Jennifer Connelly takes her character to the edge just one year removed from winning her own Oscar, and Marlon Wayans isn’t bad!
The tension in the movie is amplified by Clint Mansell’s absolutely terrifying score. Usually, a film’s score is gravy in a best-case scenario or a distraction in a worst-case scenario. But “Requiem for a Dream” incorporates Mansell’s music into the very fabric of the movie, making it that much more effective. The main theme from the movie has become a cult hit, but it’s “Meltdown,” the song that plays during the climactic moments of the movie, that deserves to be worshipped.
But “Requiem for a Dream” really works because of the incredible vision Darren Aronofsky has for it. He makes addiction real for us and gets us into the minds of the addicts themselves. It’s the split-screen, the close-ups, and the time lapse sequences. It’s the quick cuts, the repetitive sequences when drugs are used, and the increased speed whenever the addiction accelerates. Most of all, though, it’s his willingness to give us the truth about addiction and his unflinching drive to take us where few movies can. The whole movie exudes his confidence in his vision, and his style leads us exactly where he wants to take us.
Really, if you ever want to scare someone out of doing drugs, you should show them this movie. There’s no one on this planet who could watch this movie and then want to go do hard drugs. Heck, it could scare the average person out of taking a pill. So by all means, if you think you can handle it, I strongly recommend “Requiem for a Dream.”
Good Houskeeping tested 3D glasses at theaters in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut and found that NOT ONE PAIR was sterile. How gross is that?! The study reports:
“3D glasses given out at cinemas were found to be contaminated with bacteria that can cause conjunctivitis, skin infections, food poisoning, or even sepsis or pneumonia…”
That’s great, I really wanted a pneumonia when I went to see “Shrek Forever After” in 3D. For those in need of comfort, listen to the end of the sentence above:
“…but docs say that the germs found are no more threatening than what you find on the arm rest, box of popcorn, or movie seats.”
So as much as I would love to use this as another point against 3D or an excuse to turn people away, I really can’t. Because if I didn’t start bringing plastic covers for the seats or wearing plastic gloves to handle concession items, it would be incredibly hypocritical. But there’s definitely something disconcerting about knowing the glasses that you put close to your eyes can have such disgusting bacteria on them when they could be clean!
Some movies really do need to come with a health warning. “Get Him to the Greek,” for instance, should inform all moviegoers that that it packs enough laughs in under two hours to make you hurt all over. Along with the usual beautiful gut-wrenching pain, the comedy is so potent that it can hit you as high as the throat.
For a year now, we have been waiting for a movie as hilarious as the runaway smash hit “The Hangover,” and that movie has finally arrived. I’ll even be as bold to say that upon repeat viewings, “Get Him to the Greek” could prove to be better. And I’m not being sensational to grab attention or to wind up on the DVD case; I think I laughed harder, louder, and more consistently.
“Get Him to the Greek” is a spin-off of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” and it manages to make the movie that introduced us Aldous Snow look like the ugly step-cousin in every way. It’s infinitely funnier; the characters are more interesting; the plot is more absorbing. I didn’t think Brand was all that funny in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” but now it’s clear that the emotional aspect of the movie weighed him down. Here, he is unleashed and immature as ever. And it’s an absolute riot.
Brand and Jonah Hill, who plays young record label employee Aaron Green, are the “Odd Couple” for a new generation. A pairing such as theirs might be labeled a “comic man-straight man routine,” but the movie neither fits those labels nor feels like a routine. Both get the chance to side-splittingly hilarious, and it absolutely works. As much as I expected Brand to run away with the movie, Hill gets some of the best laughs of the movie as he tries to adjust to the crazy antics of the rockstar he’s attempting to control.
The moment: While at my dad’s birthday dinner last night, we were waited on by a team of waiters. The first was an older, more experienced man, perhaps not just a waiter but even a manager. The second was a younger woman, clearly a trainee. I assume it was one of her preliminary days on the job because he was walking her through the motions and giving her little tips throughout our meal. While serving me a cup of gumbo, I could hear him whispering to her, “The spoon goes on the right. Now reach around him and put it down.” She did a fine job, but she was clearly flustered and nervous. She offered cookie-cutter courtesy and was so business oriented that she was more of a robot than a waitress.
The correlation: Ryan and Natalie, duh! Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) takes neophyte Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) with him on an aerial adventure of lay-offs. He understands the art of offering these people some sort of sympathy and respect. She, on the other hand, feels that the firings could go more efficiently if they are performed mechanically and are desensitized.
M. Night Shyamalan give us his most mainstream movie yet with “The Last Airbender.” Due to James Cameron’s mildly successful film “Avatar,” the Nickelodeon series opted to use only the last part of its name to avoid confusion (although you could make some good money from dumb moviegoers under the impression they’re seeing “Avatar 2”). It got the quickie 3D conversion slapped on in the past months, which means I’m sticking to 2D here if I even see it at all. I’m worried that some backlash against the conversion could wind up really hurting this movie. But even before I knew about the added dimension, I couldn’t get myself too excited. No matter how extravagant and enormous they make it look, it’s still a Nickelodeon series. I have mixed feelings for Shyamalan; the only movie of his I actually liked was “The Sixth Sense.” I don’t know anyone in the cast save for Dev Patel, better known as Jamal Malik from “Slumdog Millionaire,” and he may end up being what draws me in to see it.
Sometimes I don’t catch everything when it is initially released, particularly indies. I want to give them their fair shake, so I’m going to feature movies when they open in my hometown if I missed them before. The first of these movies is “Solitary Man” starring Michael Douglas and thank heavens it’s not Michael Cera (that’s code for Jesse Eisenberg). In her glowing review of the movie, Lisa Schwarzbaum of Entertainment Weekly called this, not “Wall Street 2,” Douglas’ best shot for Oscar glory. The story seems friendly enough and the character seems an Oscar type. Rounding out the ensemble are Jenna Fischer (“The Office”), Susan Sarandon, Danny DeVito, and Mary-Louise Parker, so it seems pretty audience friendly too.
July 9
I’ll get to the mainstream fare later. First, I must cover the indie comedy hit of the summer, “The Kids Are All Right.” More to come later in an “Oscar Moment,” but expect it to make a splash a la “Little Miss Sunshine” and “(500) Days of Summer.”
Adrien Brody steps back into the horror arena after … let’s just say, going places in “Splice.” This time, he’s rebooting the “Predator” franchise along with Laurence Fishburne and Topher Grace. “Predators” proudly flashes the name of producer Robert Rodriguez. But here’s what I want to know – will sequel/reboot/remake fatigue catch up with moviegoers by July and kill this movie?
I’m so excited for the release of “Despicable Me.” Not because I want to see it, but because I’m so tired of seeing the stupid trailers with every movie I have seen for the past year. My guess is families will still be choosing “Toy Story 3” over this. Not even Julie Andrews can save a movie that proudly boasts the participation of an executive producer from the “Ice Age” series as if they had Steven Spielberg.
If you are looking for some shaky-cam horror, “[Rec] 2” comes out. Strangely enough, I must have missed “[Rec]” 1. But I did know about the predecessor to “The Girl Who Played with Fire,” the big indie of 2010 so far, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”
Opening in Houston on July 9 is “Restrepo,” the winner of the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance for documentary features. It takes a look at the grittiest and most intense location of fighting in Iraq and its effect on the soldiers who fight there.
Meanwhile, opening two days earlier to get out the way is “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice,” Jerry Bruckheimer’s latest blockbuster. It starts Nicolas Cage as the sorcerer and Jay Baruchel as his apprentice. I’ve been saying for quite a while now that Baruchel needs a big breakout; maybe he will get it with this once people match his face to the voice in “How to Train Your Dragon.” On the Nicolas Cage front, the role seems kind of kooky. Perhaps this is his Jack Sparrow? I may end up seeing this solely for villain Alfred Molina, who rocked Doc Ock in “Spider-Man 2.”
Officially released on June 18 but not hitting Houston until July 16 is “The Killer Inside Me,” starring Casey Affleck and Kate Hudson. Apparently it’s based on one of the most brutally violent and disturbing stories ever. I’ll trust Kubrick here.
July 23
I’m hoping “Salt” becomes this summer’s “Wanted.” Just an enjoyable, action-packed movie that doesn’t try to wow you, only entertain you. Angelina Jolie makes one BA action heroine … or villain, depending on what happens in this movie.
Kiddie fare comes for the third straight weekend with “Ramona and Beezus,” starring Disney Channel sweetheart Selena Gomez. This could do well because it’s an adaptation of the beloved series that has been around for decades, and it has an impressive adult cast including Sandra Oh, Bridget Moynahan, John Corbett, and Josh Duhamel. Then again, it could also just fade into the mist of the other kids movies.
Opening on the indie side of things is “Life During Wartime” starring Allison Janney.
July 30
I’m honestly scared of “Dinner for Schmucks.” I love both Paul Rudd and Steve Carell to death, and the plot here just reeks of a bomb. My worst fear is that this and “The Other Guys” become the “Land of the Lost”/”Year One” comedy flop combo of 2010. Maybe Zach Galifianakis can save it…
Meanwhile, there’s some good indie drama with “Get Low,” starring Robert Duvall. See my Oscar Moment for further commentary.
Can July save the summer? Will “Inception” rule the roost? What will be the BEST movie of the month? Let me know by taking the poll … DEADLINE IS JUNE 25.
Recently, my family and I have noticed a very strange looking bird lurking around our neighborhood. He stands on two large legs, only comes out after dusk, and is not easily scared by cars and people. He can fly, although I have only seen him do it once. He shows up irregularly; I will see him several consecutive days and then not again for a week or so.
The bird has become a sort of fascination for my family. We love to speculate on what it’s doing, what kind of bird it actually is, and what he does during the day.
But we don’t just call it “the weird bird.” We have given it a name: Kevin.
Catch the movie reference? We call it Kevin because it reminds us of the large bird that Russell finds in the South American jungles in the movie “Up.”
I’m pretty obsessed with movies, but I don’t think I will ever go this far.
Thanks to the Cinema Obsessed girls, I discovered learnnavi.org. On this site, you can literally learn the language spoken in James Cameron’s “Avatar.” It is literally just like learning Spanish, French, Latin, or whatever language you take. There are noun declensions and verb conjugations. There is vocabulary. If you had any doubts that Cameron didn’t pull out all the stops for the movie, they will vanish after 30 seconds on this site.
I might pick up a few casual words from the Na’vi vocabulary. I’d like to see the look on someone’s face when I say “irayo,” and they ask what the heck I just said. The look would probably be even better once I’ve told them that I have just thanked them in Na’vi.
Check out the site by clicking on the logo below. It’s fun to explore and to see the extent of “Avatar.” Clicking on it doesn’t make you a nerd…
Martin Scorsese’s “Shutter Island” hits stores today. While in theaters, the movie garnered pretty good reviews and made a nice sum at the box office on some pretty nice legs. But could it get any serious Oscar nominations like Best Picture even though it was released in February?
It’s 67% on Rotten Tomatoes isn’t exactly stellar and would definitely put it in the longshot category with a field of five nominees. But we live in a new era of Best Picture, and there are ten nominees now. 67% was good enough to make the cut last year, as “The Blind Side” showed us. 61% was even good enough in 2008 when “The Reader” slipped into a field of five. And although scores are a little less accurate for older movies, “Out of Africa” won Best Picture in 1985 and now has a 61% fresh rating.
So based on its critical standing, a nomination is not completely out of the question. But what about looking at “Shutter Island” financially? It’s $127 million take is impressive for a February release, and it will surely help to keep the movie ingrained somewhere in the back of the minds of voters. More importantly, the money helps to establish it as a fan favorite as well. Many suspected that the move to 10 Best Picture nominees was to include more populist and mainstream movies, a suspicion that was vindicated when half of the nominees earned over $100 million dollars. The money is probably what got “The Blind Side” into the race, a movie that had been little more than a blip on the radar during the season.
Although “Shutter Island” is much more Academy-friendly than “The Blind Side,” it did not meet the expectations many people have of a movie that bears the name of Martin Scorsese. According to Rotten Tomatoes, it is his lowest-rated movie since “Boxcar Bertha” nearly 4o years ago (in the pre-“Taxi Driver” era). This is where the box office performance and good reception by the fans will help. It did a good job of keeping an audience, staying in the top 10 for a tremendous seven weeks and having an average drop of about 40% per weekend.
Speaking of Scorsese, it will be interesting to see how the Academy treats him now that they have finally given him the long overdue trophy. They used to love nominating him but never awarding him. Now, it’s a new chapter for Scorsese and the Oscars with new rules. After giving Clint Eastwood his due for “Million Dollar Baby,” the Academy has been flaky on the director ever since. He was nominated for Best Director in 2006 for “Letters from Iwo Jima” but found no love for “Gran Torino” and little for “Changeling” and “Invictus” in the years afterwards. So will Scorsese still be lauded for the follow-up to his Oscar-winning work like Eastwood was, or will the Academy fast-forward to the snubbing stage?
I’m also wondering if Leonardo DiCaprio has a chance at Best Actor. He has three nominations dating back to 1993 and no wins to show for them. He is one of the finest actors of our generation, and his collaborations with Scorsese have raised his acting to great heights. DiCaprio has received one nomination for a Scorsese movie to date, “The Aviator” in 2004, and maybe it’s time to make it two.
I can see “Shutter Island” being the “Inglourious Basterds” of 2010. Both have respected pedigrees, made respectable sums, and did respectably with critics (while “Basterds” scored an 88% on Rotten Tomatoes, initial reception at Cannes was not quite so favorable). Few people thought Tarantino’s film would have much success in awards season, but it was just a movie that everyone really liked and could agree on. Its inclusion didn’t offend many people because it wasn’t a very polarizing choice. “Shutter Island” could easily follow in its footsteps.
I didn’t watch the MTV Movie Awards last night. Did you?
Really, I don’t see the point. The awards are decided by the box office dollars and the biggest fanboy power. Find me one serious critic, or really just anybody who has a brain when it comes to film, that would say that “New Moon” is the best movie of the year. Or better yet, find me a sane person who could look me in the eyes and tell me that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson delivered the performances of the year.
I don’t need an awards show to celebrate the celebrity and the power of the fan. I see it manifested in People, US Weekly, and the countless other magazines devoted to giving us every detail of the lives of celebrities. I see it on E!, the channel which was one of the major players in bringing about the so-called “Celebrity Revolution.” (But not even kidding, do yourself a favor and watch their 20th anniversary special. It’s one of the smartest looks at our culture I’ve seen.)
No, I reserve my time for awards show that reward people and movies that actually deserve awards. Movies like “New Moon” have an award in box office millions, and we don’t want to send a message to Robert Pattinson that his acting is … good.
But on a happy note, congratulations Anna Kendrick for winning Best Breakout Performance for “Up in the Air!”
Dwayne Johnson (aka “The Rock”) has become quite good at using his physical strength as an asset in kid’s movies. He managed to turn Disney’s “The Game Plan” into something actually quite disarming and fairly entertaining. But now, after doing “Tooth Fairy” for Fox, we can clearly see that charm doesn’t follow the star. Perhaps it’s strictly Disney’s property, this movie seems to suggest.
The movie deals in the mythical, offering a different and ultimately disconcerting take on the Tooth Fairy. There isn’t one tooth fairy but multiple, many of whom are swapping money for teeth not out of their benevolent spirits but as an act of penance. That’s the case for aging hockey star Derek Thompson (Johnson) who is apparently incredible yet still in the minor leagues. He kills dreams not just by ruining the myth of the Tooth Fairy but by pessimistically offering his take on the future to crush idealism.
So he receives a summons from the “Department of Dissemination of Disbelief,” led by a fairy played by the always graceful Julie Andrews. This is just a wannabe of the Council of Legendary Figures in “The Santa Clause 2,” which included Mother Nature, Father Time, Cupid, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, Santa Claus, and a self-conscious Tooth Fairy seeking a less emasculating title. But there’s more to the movie’s demise than just the fact that the premise has been used before. “Tooth Fairy” is critically deficient in creativity and energy, both of which are needed to power a movie of such mythical magnitude. Johnson here merely dials it in, absent of all the fun and compassion he showed in “The Game Plan.” It’s almost as if he’s as tired of acting the same tired message as we are of receiving it.
The real question the movie raises is where on earth has Billy Crystal been the past decade. And why on earth did he choose “Tooth Fairy” to come back with? That’s not exactly a triumphant return with a blaze of glory. He makes two small appearances and manages to get a few small chuckles out of us, although one has to wonder if they are pity laughs for a man that once could consistently leave us in stitches.
I will give “Tooth Fairy” that it does have one great strength: puns. Clever wordplay involving teeth and fairies pops up all throughout the film and in great quantities. Depending on your sense of humor, you’ll let out either a mild chuckle or you’ll roll your eyes. But puns are no replacement for good comedy and imagination. C /
I’ve been waiting since February for “In the Loop” to come from the Houston Library for me. It’s been on my hold list, and I’ve left it on there and held off on putting holds on other movies.
But last night, while flipping through the channels, I noticed “In the Loop” was playing on Showtime. All that time I’ve spent waiting only for it to come on TV right as I’m at the front of the line to get it.
I feel like I’m in a “Seinfeld” episode or something.
On Thursday, I went to see “Kick-Ass” at AMC Studio 30 (you know, the one I always gripe about). After the movie was over, I headed to the automatic ticket kiosk before returning home. Because I go the movies so much, I happen to know that the kiosk shows what specific theater number a movie will be showing in at a certain time.
Going all the way back to Random Factoid #1, I shared that I keep a collection of movie ticket stubs. However, I don’t think I have revealed that I have a desire to get a stub for every theater number at a theater. So I went to the kiosk with the intent of finding out if “Get Him to the Greek,” which I was planning on seeing the next day, would be in a theater that I didn’t have a ticket stub for. Sure enough, it was showing in theater 15, one of the ones I didn’t have. I wrote down the showtimes for theater 15 and made sure that I went to one of them the next day.
I went at 5:00, one of the showtimes for theater 15. However, when I bought the tickets, the tickets said theater 14. My brilliant plan backfired.
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